Uncle Harry and the Path of Peace

[Emily was asked to share a personal story for the lighting of the Advent candle at a service at First Congregational Church. Here is what she wrote about the candle of peace.]

By Emily Kurtz

Gandhi once said, "There is no path to peace, peace is the path." Peace: it sounds comforting, but it's also a troubled thing. I grew up with a third set of grandparents: my mom's god parents, whom I called Uncle Harry and Aunt Halcyon. A couple of years ago, right around the holiday season, 98-year-old Uncle Harry decided he had lived his life to the fullest and was ready to go. He chose to leave this world by taking the long journey of not eating for weeks. When Uncle Harry gently told his wife of this decision, her heart was broken. This frail old woman couldn't understand why her husband of 73 years wanted to leave her. I believe it was also a struggle for my mom. Neither Aunt Halcyon nor my mom were ready to say goodbye. I remember going to see him and each time he got paler and smaller, as if he was trying to take up as little room as possible in this world.

My family used to take Uncle Harry and Aunt Halcyon up to the mountains each summer to a one-street town called Redstone, Colorado. There was one small General store in Redstone and each day Uncle Harry would take my brother, me, and even the dog to get our daily ice cream cone. Not only did the dog and I look forward to our daily ice cream outing, but it was Uncle Harry's favorite part of the day. When I reminded him of this story as he lay in the hospice bed with crisp white sheets packing him into the bed, a smile spread across his face and he responded, "ice cream sounds so good right now." I remember my mom shaking her head on the way home wishing she had had a milkshake with her.

Uncle Harry stayed in his bed for 3 ½ weeks before he finally passed away 10 minutes to midnight on New Year's Eve. He had chosen his path of peace, but it is not the one his loved ones would have chosen. My heart went out to Aunt Halcyon as she tried to understand Uncle Harry's reasoning; I tried so hard to find a way that would comfort my mom more than an embrace. The experience of watching a loved one go does not seem at all peaceful, but for the one who is leaving, it can be serene. Perhaps people do not realize the peace within their own lives until they are living their last moments on Earth. Peace can be found in the end of a life. It can be found in the struggle of their friends and loved ones. We often must accept the path to peace that others choose.